Desire

These narcotic dreams of bliss, tempered with the realities of strife and struggle are a reminder of what we are.

I can see a future of happiness and comfort because a woman allows me such things. I know though that there is no such thing as it stands right now, though not because of any fault of her's. We are destined to struggle because of our desires. If we do away with our desires then we can put away our struggles and all suffering.

My desires though. Oh, my desires. To control them is to control the Original Sin, to put down the curse of Adam.

These desires are but amplified. She amplifies them. I do desire her and I want to desire her. A life without suffering is a wonderful thought when looked though the haze of Vicodin, but a life sans desires? Is that a life at all?

Perhaps I should suffer. Maybe that's the price I pay for the longing I feel when I look at her. To lose that desire would also be to suffer I fear.

I will suffer. I will wear it like a badge of humanity. To desire another is to begin to love. To love is human.

Bring the suffering. I can take it.

(I wrote this a few days ago with a pen on a pad. This was done just after a had an accident with a band saw and it required several, about twenty, stitches. I barely remember writing it. It HAD to hurt though.

I could go on about the duality of the human condition...but actually, I think the short little essay says much more than it says.)