Standing on a corner. Ranting.

Writing is my therapy. It keeps me from knocking kid's ice cream cones down, tripping old people, dragging the slow drivers who pull out in front of me out of their vehicles and just kicking the shit out of them, shooting bb's at the unsuspecting, and pretty much just ranting at street corners like the nut jobs that have no other outlet.

I spent some time today talking about how our country is made up of a variety of ethnic groups and because of that our laws should not be based on just the morality of society. Our society is different. I tell you this because I want you to know that I try to think of ideas and ideals. I try to be a little deeper. It is usually futile though.

I don't know. We can do better. I mean we really can, can't we? We are the strongest and richest country right? We are smart, hard working, never lay down, individualists. Can we stop watching reality TV for a few minutes, stop being dicks to each other, stop giving the slightest damn what a celebrity is doing or saying for a few minutes and try to accomplish something, ANYTHING?? Can we the people take control of who we are and what we want? Can we as a nation just try to be a little smarter? We are supposed to be, started to be, world leaders. We can't even rule ourselves right now.

We were supposed to show the world a new way, a way of liberty and self rule. We got scared and let, LET, them take away our liberties, nope we gave them away happily for nothing more than an illusion of security. An illusion that doesn't work. We should be leading the world, not fighting it. We should be leaders in all things not just consumerism. Look, I like my stuff as well as the next guy and I am glad we worked over every one during the Olympic Games but isn't that just entertainment?

Why are there hungry people? Not just still here in this country but anywhere. Why are there sick and homeless and why the hell isn't there enough jobs for everybody. Shouldn't we be rebuilding all the bridges and highways and waterways? Why is there a "problem" with "illegal" aliens. There HAS to be enough work for everyone. Why aren't we ALL working? They wouldn't even be "illegal" if we didn't make it so damn hard to be legal. Just because your ancestors got in when they did is no reason to be all racist now.

Oh while I'm at it, this site: http://spritzophrenia.wordpress.com/2011/01/04/how-bad-is-welfare-fraud-in-the-usa/ lets us know that the welfare system is not being abused even as much as I thought it was. I though it was three percent. Guess not. So I just don't want to hear that crap anymore either. Aren't we as a country rich enough to help our poor or at least those 98% who temporarily need it? I think so.

I am a liberal. I am also starting to become a libertarian. Strange combination. I think the laws in this country should exist, for the most part, only to protect individuals (not companies), and property. I think drugs should just be legal. I also think our government's job is far more than just making and enforcing laws. They are not really all that good at enforcing laws anyway, especially those that are against the constitution. Like drug use.

I want to talk about that for a minute. Your first amendment gives you the power of free speech. It means more than just the ability to say almost whatever you want. It protects your ability to think whatever you want. Thus it protects you ability to be in whatever frame of mind you, as an adult, choose. Including being high. Sorry conservatives.

Now I guess I can stand on a corner and rant, this is my corner. You don't have to like it, you don't have to read it, but damn if I will NOT say it.

Blessed

Somehow, though it all, I am a very blessed man. Things aren't perfect though. I work for the state, I run a large roof replacement project at a prison and use inmate labor. These guys teach me much.

Don't stop using your mind, ever. You are free to think about whatever and however you like. More people should use their mind. It's really the only weapon you have. I have met, rarely, persons I would call stupid but I'm rethinking that. I think unless you are born damaged or sustained an injury, no one is born stupid. I think it takes years of practice to get good and stupid. I think it's lazy. Observing the inmates, some brilliant...more, not, I'm learning more about humans. At least I formed that hypothesis. I will continue to observe people to support it.

Working for the state, with a single income, doesn't allow certain luxuries like any disposable income. I can pay my bills, mostly, monthly. My wife and I have parted ways after nineteen years, though we usually get along pretty well and I know she loves me. I love her too. I drive an old gas guzzler many miles to work. I miss my family I am alone much of the time. I can not do some of the things I want. I worry about the future, and the past. I sometimes worry about my sanity. I worry no one will ever really want me again.

I worry my ex-wife is my "soul mate" and there will not be another. I worry my kids will loose touch with me. I can be lazy, I can be boring. I am getting older. I have lost weight but have more to loose. My current job is the very definition of "dead end". I recently interviewed for another job and did not get it. We are still in a horrible recession.

I worry about the safety of my family and cannot watch the news. I chew snuff and cuss too much. I drink more now than probably ever.

Yet I am blessed. I wrote my fears down not too long ago and have been thinking about the other side of things for a few weeks. So here's another list. ( I also worry about becoming a "lister")

Reasons why I am Blessed:

I am smart. Not shining star brilliant...but I have "game".
I have an imagination, and I use it.
I am creative.
I am social.
I learn from my successes I actually have successes...still.
I am able to eat every day. I have clean water.
I get to have by daughters live with me every other week.
I am a good dad.
I have a good dad.
I enjoy good music, it helps.
I write.
I sculpt.
I draw.
I read.
I don't have to do any of it if I don't want to.
I try to be a pretty good man.
I feel pain.
I feel love.
I am alive.
I have an open mind.
I have matured.
I like who I am.
I like my life.
I like philosophy, science, physics and art. I like history too, and literature etc. and so forth. As I said, I have "game".
I'm not hideous. I'm not hideous...right?
I make an effort to keep my mind young. "I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now".
Though I can be a real hard ass, I try to be pretty nice, now.
I take things as they come.
I'm not an addict.
I'm not an alcoholic.
I'm not an inmate.
I can support myself.
I have learned to really enjoy the simple things.
I am not afraid. Or at least, I'm pretty brave.
My stainless steel bullet proof walls of serenity are really made of glass. It's not that hard to get in there, as it turns out.
I like the sunrise.
I have become very patient and impatient.
I have faith.
I know everything is going to be alright because everything is alright.
I know the destination is worth the journey. Any destination, any journey.
I have some very good friends. Some people who would do anything for me.
I have learned to be a good enough guy to have the above type of friends.
Women love me and fish fear me. OK so...fish don't fear me. It sounds horribly arrogant but, women do love me. I'm not saying in an overtly sexual manner, I'm just saying that though I don't understand why (and I really don't) I am loved. This is the most blessed of all. I am loved and if you are one of the few people who read the things I write regularly then you most probably are loved too. By me.
I have emotions.
I have not become bitter, or angry, or scared.
I am a survivor. Really.
Bring it on because I am strong, and weak.
I am a man, but, I am just a man.
I have learned that what one doesn't know is just as important to know as anything else. A wise man knows when to say he don't know.
I can say "I don't know".
I have learned that kids may not have more knowledge than me, but they are probably more intelligent.
I have learned to respect those who have been where I am.
When I need to be sad, I'm sad. But not for long.
I smile more now.
I really like to look, hear, smell, taste and feel.
Perhaps colors are the spice of life, and music. Good music.
I am a liberal. If it's ok for me it's ok for you.

There. I am sure I missed many things on this list. I have to admit that it is actually longer than I thought it was going to be when I started. That in itself is another blessing.

I will enjoy my life. You should too.