An Egotist's Immortality

I was talking to India two nights ago after she had a really hard day. She is a senior and going off to college before too long and she needed to cry on Dad's shoulder. She doesn't do that too much anymore and though I hate that she needs to cry, I do enjoy when she needs to put her nearly six foot frame on my lap and needs to be held while she just cries. Her leaving will be difficult to bear.

After she drained her emotions and reaffirmed that I would be there for her always I knew I was supposed to talk to her for awhile. I'm supposed to kinda ramble about things and change the subject a bit. She seems to like, on occasion, to just listen to me talk. After awhile I read her one of the posts here on this site. Then I asked her if she knew why I posted some of the things I write. (I write pretty much every day, I don't post everything or even most) She said no, I told her that the obvious was of course that I like an audience. I like to know that at least a few people read it. I told her that was ego and if I had something to say I would rather say it to someone instead of yelling off a mountain top. You know? If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it then who cares? I need something a little more. Then I told her another reason. I had not thought of this before and realized how true it was as the words were leaving my mouth. I told her that I hoped one day her grandchildren would sit on her lap and she may read to them the stories of her dad's life, and imagination.

Immortality. I want something a little more than a headstone to mark my presence on this earth.

So now I know, really, why I write and I also feel that I have a mission. I am going to be write more. Record more. I have a job to do and it is totally narcissistic but hell, you know? Whatever.

A Toast!

I was a guest at a wedding recently and during the reception there were, of course, the toasts. Before it was over the mic was offered up to anyone else who wanted to toast as well. I was not a member of the wedding party but I have yet to learn how to pass on an active mic at a party.

I stammered something I don't think was too bad, but I wasn't really prepared either. I said something about tigers and wished them the best. Now I want to offer a proper toast and explain the tiger metaphor a little bit better. So here's my toast to Kim and Ed.

To Kim: Our main job as men is to provide for and protect our family. We must go into the bush and kill the tiger. The simple days of actually going out and killing a real, live, breathing, angry tiger with a stick are over. Yet that is what we are here to do. So we try to do just that every day. I respect Ed, he is not perfect but he works hard, he is improving his lot, and he loves you. We are all flawed but we are men and we can, and have, changed the world many times. Men have built civilizations and destroyed them. We have built industries, and out grown them. We have been to the moon. We have over come obstacle after obstacle. We will not sit down, we will not stop. We will not show fear. We will give, and often have given, our lives for our loved ones. In the present day being a man is frowned on a bit and often ridiculed. Be proud of Ed. He is yours by his own hand. He has given his life over to you. He is a good man.

To Ed: Though our job is to slay the tiger our women are the ones who make sure we know we can. Our women are the ones who tell us we can do it. They are the ones who instill in us the belief that we can not only kill the tiger but that we can dam the river, sail the oceans, climb the mountains. With the word of a good woman we can and have done anything. They are a gift to us and provide faith in ourselves. They have the power to make us great or something far less. They make us whole. We must love them for that. We are strong but our women control us. With one look they can make us feel like a superman or crush us. They can make our day or ruin it before they are even out of bed.

If you attempt to slay the tiger and not KNOW you will succeed then the tiger will surely devour you. You need her. Women have always been next to us whispering, while we built cities, and while we destroyed them. They were there when we returned home from a voyage and have often been the reason why we returned. They birthed us, nursed us, and taught us to be men, and then wept when we left them. They speak the softer things that allow us to be more than animals. They are our humanity. We will do anything for them and they will do the same. She is a good woman, always love her.

To both of you: To be a mother, father, husband and wife is a daunting, difficult, and very rewarding job. Forgive each other often. Remember not the times when the other does something foolish or painful but remember when they protected you, or reassured you, or kissed a child's scrape. Remember the good times and forget the bad for there will be plenty of both. Build one another up constantly for there are plenty of people out there who will keep your egos in check. It is not your job to keep your spouse grounded. It is your job to give them flight.

Also I would like to add that a person who will take another person's child as their own is nothing less than a hero. To take personal responsibility and love a child from another is selfless and should be honored. There are not words to express the respect I have for those who have made that earnest commitment.

I am proud to know you. I am happy for you. I wish you happiness and good fortune and peace and prosperity. May your days be long and pleasant.