Sapiosexual

Word of the day: Sapiosexual. Sapiosexual is defined in the Urbandictionary as one who is sexually attracted to the intelligence in others, other definitions state that it doesn't matter the sexual orientation of those others, so i guess I have sapiosexual tendencies but only toward the opposite sex. Though if I have to hang with other dudes I would prefer they have a little more IQ than a BB. However beggars can't be choosers, you know what I mean? I don't live in what could ever be called a intellectual nerve center.

I spent a long weekend mostly alone because it's the holiday season and people are busy. Good for them, bad for me but I learned something. I learned that I possess a rather expansive mind that does not do very well locked up with itself. I should not sit in an apartment alone for long. It gets dark in there. Real scary dark. I am afraid of the dark.

There are great changes going on. I am not a part of any of them and feel that I am a waste of life sometimes. I do hold on to the self serving belief that our job as humans is to procreate and I have done that. I have four very good kids. I'm not an overachiever. I have very good kids not perfectly weird GREAT kids. Those are nut jobs. I think I have and continue to provide above par parenting. But who knows. I could just be very lucky, these may have been damn near perfect children anyway. I still take a little credit cause I have nothing otherwise.

I'm not convinced yet that anybody has anything else than that. When we die we die alone and with nothing, so the only way we can live on beyond our given time is though, and by, our offspring.

I walked to the store a little while ago thinking. I think all the time. Accomplish nothing but boy I think about it. I walked to the store and looked around at the grass and the sky and felt the wind and thought about it. When I left the store the walk back seemed longer.

I am just rambling here but believe me...rambling here and nobody reading it is better by multitudes than just sitting around doing nothing much else. I rarely do NOTHING I mean I read or stumbleupon or checkout music or some other such crap or drink.

I read about these people who go on treks alone to the wilderness and I think that may be great. I wonder about all the things one would come away from a trip like that. I am relieved though to know that I better do nothing like that ever. I would come back if I ever did come back, a lunatic. Broken. I am not meant to be alone. We are social animals and by lord I need some freakin interaction. Big time. Though I get tired of people. Sick of the same petty crap and conversations. Understimulated. I like to be challenged I guess.

Friday night I had a pretty good time taking about this young dude's trouble with women. Got drunk. He said that there is no way we could ever really figure out love. I like his optimism. Poor kid. He just don't know yet. In that there is hope. Not just for him but all mankind.

I find that my personality crisis is really pretty cool too. You have to look at it in third person and try to enjoy the show. I was called wise a couple of times lately. That is kinda cool, I've always thought my father was the wisest man I've ever known but I'm not quite sure I want to be there. I mean...heck I don't know anything. What does it mean to be wise. Am I that old? Wisdom can be cold. Hard. It may just be logic, and that is not always good.

A few years ago when I was building restaurants one of the promotions girls was asking me about relationship advice. I finally asked her what the hell?? After all it looked like my marriage was over. She said that I was, at the time, married for 15 years and that meant success. It didn't and don't feel like it to me but heck...she was pretty so whatever. We ate sushi. Is that wisdom? Holding on longer that most other people. I guess it don't matter. She wanted to hang with me and that's good enough. Nobody else knew she was just talking about her new fiance.

Maybe it's all a sham.

I'm drinking beer out of a paper bag on my back patio right now. I have a smoke hanging out the corner of my mouth and periodically checking to see if I have a text. Facebook is up right now on another window and I am listening to jazz. Writing.

"TC was do you do for fun?" Oh I write. "Really?" Yeah man nothing big not published but yeah that's what I do. Sound impressive, deep.

My flat (flat sounds better than apartment, I think I will use it for now on) is a mess and I really should go clean the kitchen and take out the trash, fold the clean clothes I washed the other day. But cleaning on a Sunday evening is nowhere near as romantic sounding as writing. You see what I mean?

Fake it till you make it? Why not? What else am I doing. Doubt I will ever make it but I can make it sound good right?

I have a business idea. A good one. A really good one. I won't get rich but I will have a great life and a great time but...I do nothing about it. Why?

I don't know if I have sapiosexual leanings or not but right now I have nothing so it really, really sounds cool. I'm pretty lonely so maybe I just have sexual tendencies. Perhaps the dumbest, happiest, goofiest, willingest, chick will do right now.

Man is born, man lives, man dies, it is all vanity.

Anybody can be wise, you just have to read a lot then recycle other peoples thoughts. Being wise does not mean being original. Trust me.